Life has been pretty busy. We toured in French Guiana and had successful Rise seasons in both Washington DC & Memphis. We were preparing to tour to Wilson, North Carolina and Norfolk, Virginia, but unfortunately they were cancelled due to this COVID 19 Pandemic. What a time to be alive. In my lifetime Ive witnessed 9/11, wars, major natural disasters, and now a Pandemic. So now, there is much time to try and do what I’ve wanted but lacked in time to do. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before but keeping a blog has been very challenging (clearly, I haven’t posted all year!). It’s hard to come up with content that you are willing to share with everyone. You ask yourself, ‘How personal am I willing to get’? On my social media, I’ve been posting a lot of great pictures and positivity. Mostly to share and uplift everyone. But, just as everyone else, my life isn’t perfect and especially now, its easy to drift mentally into those not-so positive places. I created this blog to be honest with myself and with anyone who is reading (which I appreciate very much). So here comes the honesty.
During Christmas break, I realized that I wasn’t really myself. Work kept me so busy that I didn’t get to give my emotions the true TLC it needed. I had been down. Not like, I just feel a little sad, I mean like a cloud was following me everyday for a few months. It was beginning to effect me in many areas of my life. Work, relationships between people, and just in my general mood. Do you every just have those days where you don’t feel like yourself? Well, imagine that feeling everyday. Imagine being in a room full of people and no one notices a difference almost like you’re not even there. This was becoming my new normal.
For those who don’t know me, I’m usually a bubbly, caring, generous person. But feeling this way had left me depleted, alone, on edge, and somewhat closed off. I didn’t like feeling this way. But I knew that things would get better. First, I prayed about it. My next step, was to seek help. That’s right, I’m speaking to a therapist. When I tell you, my first session was like a breathe of fresh air. I talked about things I have never shared with people I feel closest to. I felt like someone cared (besides my closest family), I didn’t feel so alone.
I’ve continued with my sessions, and am really glad I have. I feel like my old self is coming back around.
Two things I have taken away from this experience is that:
1. My feelings are valid and its okay to feel.
2. Whats not valid, is dismissing my feelings to be considerate to others.
Especially now, life can be hard and we don’t have all the answers. We won’t have all the answers and that’s okay. But the main point of this post is to let everyone know, you know you! When you are not in tune with you, it’s okay to take a step back and talk to someone. Take care of YOU! Your feelings are valid. If it can’t be a closest friend, try therapy. They are there to help. No judgment, only non-biased guidance. If you felt like you had the flu, would you go see a doctor? What’s different with your mental health?…. think about it.
During this Pandemic, it is very easy to get lost in all that is going wrong. I’ve noticed, I like my solitude. But when its mandatory, Its almost unbearable. If you’re someone who needs help, please don’t miss this time to get it. You are loved.